Self-Injury
What is self-injury?
There are quite a few terms used to describe and define the act of self-injury and what it might represent.
There are also some clinicians who work with those who self-injure due to a specific biological imbalance that is not meant to ease psychological pain.
However, more frequently, self-injury is termed as Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI) and that is, "the purposeful destruction of bodily tissue in an effort to alleviate emotional pain".
That's the academic definition of self-injury. It does not, however, take into account what it is offering, which can be as multi-faceted and varied as the number of people who employ it. Additionally, the definition cannot capture all of those forces that influence and shape the existence and life of self-injury. In truth, the definition and description of self-injury will always vary according to who is speaking and their uniquely personal and individual experience with it.
There are quite a few terms used to describe and define the act of self-injury and what it might represent.
There are also some clinicians who work with those who self-injure due to a specific biological imbalance that is not meant to ease psychological pain.
However, more frequently, self-injury is termed as Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI) and that is, "the purposeful destruction of bodily tissue in an effort to alleviate emotional pain".
That's the academic definition of self-injury. It does not, however, take into account what it is offering, which can be as multi-faceted and varied as the number of people who employ it. Additionally, the definition cannot capture all of those forces that influence and shape the existence and life of self-injury. In truth, the definition and description of self-injury will always vary according to who is speaking and their uniquely personal and individual experience with it.
Why is it so hard to stop?
Self-injury can take on a lot of the same elements as any other "addiction story." It is an attempt to cope with overwhelming feelings, sensations, emotions, and thoughts. It can be very dangerous to take away a coping strategy without replacing it first. Ideally, we work together to replace it with something that is less harmful, but just as effective.
The challenge becomes that because our brains, by nature, prefer the path of least resistance, getting rid of something that helps us in the moment is no easy task. Coping strategies relieve unpleasant sensations and feelings, and that is a powerful thing to confront. Self-injury can make the difference between life and death and that only adds to its terrible power. It can take on a life of its own. Self-injury is firmly rooted in stories of shame, self-protection, self-punishment, and secrecy and that can make it very difficult to "just stop." Self-injury is not just a behavior to be stopped; it's serving a purpose.
What if they're trying to commit suicide?
While this is a very valid and realistic fear, self-injury does not cause suicide. The research shows that while there is a correlation (a connection) between self-injury and those who attempt suicide, there is not a causation (one causing the other to occur).
As mentioned above, self-injury is a coping strategy meant to make you feel better, meaning you're still fighting to stay alive. Suicide means there no longer exists a desire to feel anything.
How can anyone else understand? What if I'm alone in this experience?
I can tell you right now, you're not alone. Self-Injury can easily be one of the most isolating and terrifying experiences for anyone and everyone caught up in it. It is frequently not a story that is openly shared with others. Shame, fear, feeling useless or helpless, shock, anger, and terror at the thought of loss of control; these are just a few feelings and thoughts that might come up when you're caught up in its web. So many questions and so many fears with so few answers.
Some may use self-injury as a desperate attempt to quell overwhelming emotions while others may use it as an attempt to be seen and heard. However, no matter the story, it all boils down to pain; pain is pain no matter what it looks like.
What will make our work together different?
I offer a unique, therapeutic perspective on self-injury because I have experienced a similar story myself. As a result of that experience, I will never tell you to stop.
I offer a safe space to explore your story of self-injury at your pace. We will explore how it thinks and how it works; what it offers you and what it robs you of; what your relationship to it looks like; what it looks like for those important others in your life. And we will question whether it is something you want in your life now. Together we will call upon and strengthen those things precious to you outside of self-injury's realm of influence. Most importantly, we always hold space for the knowledge that you are so much more than a single story-line. The goal is not to simply "stop the behavior," but to re-negotiate your relationship to it. We want to put you in charge rather than let self-injury control you and your choices.
It is the shame that keeps us quiet. It keeps us from sharing with others and it is that shame that must be challenged and stood up to by reconnecting with ourselves and others.
Self-injury can take on a lot of the same elements as any other "addiction story." It is an attempt to cope with overwhelming feelings, sensations, emotions, and thoughts. It can be very dangerous to take away a coping strategy without replacing it first. Ideally, we work together to replace it with something that is less harmful, but just as effective.
The challenge becomes that because our brains, by nature, prefer the path of least resistance, getting rid of something that helps us in the moment is no easy task. Coping strategies relieve unpleasant sensations and feelings, and that is a powerful thing to confront. Self-injury can make the difference between life and death and that only adds to its terrible power. It can take on a life of its own. Self-injury is firmly rooted in stories of shame, self-protection, self-punishment, and secrecy and that can make it very difficult to "just stop." Self-injury is not just a behavior to be stopped; it's serving a purpose.
What if they're trying to commit suicide?
While this is a very valid and realistic fear, self-injury does not cause suicide. The research shows that while there is a correlation (a connection) between self-injury and those who attempt suicide, there is not a causation (one causing the other to occur).
As mentioned above, self-injury is a coping strategy meant to make you feel better, meaning you're still fighting to stay alive. Suicide means there no longer exists a desire to feel anything.
How can anyone else understand? What if I'm alone in this experience?
I can tell you right now, you're not alone. Self-Injury can easily be one of the most isolating and terrifying experiences for anyone and everyone caught up in it. It is frequently not a story that is openly shared with others. Shame, fear, feeling useless or helpless, shock, anger, and terror at the thought of loss of control; these are just a few feelings and thoughts that might come up when you're caught up in its web. So many questions and so many fears with so few answers.
Some may use self-injury as a desperate attempt to quell overwhelming emotions while others may use it as an attempt to be seen and heard. However, no matter the story, it all boils down to pain; pain is pain no matter what it looks like.
What will make our work together different?
I offer a unique, therapeutic perspective on self-injury because I have experienced a similar story myself. As a result of that experience, I will never tell you to stop.
I offer a safe space to explore your story of self-injury at your pace. We will explore how it thinks and how it works; what it offers you and what it robs you of; what your relationship to it looks like; what it looks like for those important others in your life. And we will question whether it is something you want in your life now. Together we will call upon and strengthen those things precious to you outside of self-injury's realm of influence. Most importantly, we always hold space for the knowledge that you are so much more than a single story-line. The goal is not to simply "stop the behavior," but to re-negotiate your relationship to it. We want to put you in charge rather than let self-injury control you and your choices.
It is the shame that keeps us quiet. It keeps us from sharing with others and it is that shame that must be challenged and stood up to by reconnecting with ourselves and others.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, LMFT #105799